But my brain was too savvy for him and his absolute, positive rationality. My brain knew something he didn't, maybe the only thing he didn't: I can't do math. The following is a paper I wrote for my Ed Psych class when I was getting my teaching certificate, minus all the references. My professor wrote in red pen on the top right corner:
AGoodExcellent analysis
Attitude is
everything
I kept this paper all these years and look upon it fondly. If I wasn't an overwhelming success in math, at least I could write about the problem with finess.
Sleeping In A Bowling Alley
Once, during a tutoring session for my second year of Algebra I, a nearby teacher heard me give my "umpteenth" wrong answer for the day and said to me, "Jennie, if you were as tall as you are dumb you'd have to sleep in a bowling alley." He was joking, of course, but if I had thought it was truly funny I probably would not have remembered it for the past nine years. Obviously, my greatest learning problem in school was a math problem.
Math anxiety has been defined as a "fear of mathematics or an intense negative emotional reation to mathemathics." These anxieties can stem from many different sources which negatively effect a student's emotions and performance in the math classroom. For most though, there seem to be four main sources: time pressure, humiliation, emphasis on the right answer, and working in isolation. My traumatizing math experiences include each of these at one time or another.
Up until fifth grade, I glided through math as easily as my other subjects. In fifth grade I was put into the highest level math class. Much class time was used to display the students' talent (or lack of) in math by having students race to finish problems on the blackboard. This scenario is a typical ego-threatening situation commonly faced in the math classroom. I remember this as a humiliating experience, racing against the clock, seaching for that one right answer and above all, on display. At the end of the year I was at the bottom of my class. Even though my mother assured me that I was only at the bottom of the highest math class, in my mind, I was at the bottom. So began my downhill slide into math anxiety.
In sixth grade, my middle school was introducing an individiual math program. This is where I experienced the confusion of working in isolation. Fearing math as I did and feeling that I was a poor student was incredibly frustrating and I had no means to successfully teach myself math. I spent the entire year doing my lessons with a fellow student. I probably learned more doing this even though I was not working alone. If I had been alone, I may not have had the initiative to confront the subject.
By this time in my school years I was already hindered by strong emotions causing stress and failure. At that time though I had no idea that my poor performance was resulting from emotions and this led to a self-fulfilling prophecy; I thought I was simply ignorant in math and I surrendered myself to that. Children deal especially poorly with this type of stress because they do not recognize it and cannot find ways to cope with their problem.
Eighth grade began my fear of flash cards. The class I was in was an average level math class; however, our teacher discovered that our basic math skills were lacking. I remember feeling that he was a bit disgusted with our lack of knowledge and I frequently felt challenged in his room as if he were trying to discover just how ignorant we were. He would pace back and forth holding flash cards and call on us in order of seats. The anticipation was frightful. My mind raced to solve each card even if it was not my turn. I would reassure myself at every right answer I knew in order to boost my ego for when my turn came. The interesting part of this was that I knew the material he was testing for, I just feared the quickness of the exercise.
Schools often stress speed in the math class. Teachers may realize that this causes stress, but feel that the student needs to be prepared for the next year of math. Math classes should stress persistence rather than speed to alleviate anxiety and to encourage the child to stick to the problem until it is solved.
I failed algebra in ninth grade. By this time I simply felt that I could not comprehend math, so I did not apply myself. I felt as if my brain blacked out every time I looked at a math problem. I know now that I failed algebra not because I was mentally unable to understand it, but I was emotionally unable to bear it. At the end of the year my teacher showed me my grade "F" and told me that he was sorry that I did not pass. But this did not shock me, I know all along that I would not pass. I thought, "He doesn't understand, I can't pass math."
In tenth grade I was privately tutored by a teacher who was a perfectionist and impatient. My lesson was in the teachers' workroom and I often felt humiliated when I gave a wrong answer, thinking everyone could hear. The teacher would often make a derogatory remark or facial expression when I answered incorrectly. I progressed to the point that even when I thought I had the right answer, I was doubting myself, and hesitated to give my answer aloud. The nearby teacher who made the bowling alley remark would often snicker and tease me in good humor, but it was damaging to my self-image. By the end of the year I was filled with doubt. I thought not even a tutor could save me, and was ashamed that even my second year in the same class was a near disaster.
People with math anxiety need a sensitive, relaxed teacher who acknowledges that the student has special needs. Often those who have suffered from math anxiety can remember a certain teacher who was insensitive and unsupportive and increased the stress of the problem. A teacher who can tell the child that this is an anxiety problem and that they do not have to go back to lower grades to correct it may help alleviate the problem.
My junior year I decided to take Plane Geometry. I entered the class with an entirely new attitude. I knew that this class was different from algebra and I decided to clear my thoughts of all that I imagined I could not do and approach this subject as if I could succeed. This teacher was a very understanding and patient one. I felt comfortable asking questions, I enjoyed the class and I enjoyed the feeling of success. This class was the turning point in my math dilemma.
My greatest success came in my senior year in Algebra II. Coming right out of a good experience in Plane Geometry helped my attitude and having the bad memories of Algebra I years behind was also a benefit. I finally discovered that my attitude meant all. There were other factors involved: my teacher taught in a matter-of-fact manner that relaxed the class and provided a comfortable atmosphere. Also, being a senior in a class of freshman and sophomores, I figured that I must be able to succeed.
Math was a delight this year. I rarely became frustrated because I came to expect that I could find the answer and so I usually did. The teacher made a difference because she was so calm and sure that we could succeed. She seemed to like math and that helped us respect it also. Her classroom was run smoothly and slowly.
People with math anxiety should first be made to realize that their fears are at the root of their math problems. They should realize that they are not mathematically ignorant. This is how I overcame my problem. I put myself in a different math class, one that I had no recollection of failure and one that I had not feared. From this point, my progress was good.
I also had to convince myself that I was not dumb in math, but that my own emotional attitudes toward the subject were my hinderances. I began remembering all of the instances above and realized that it was these and my reactions to these situations that slowly formed me into a math-fearing person.
Finally, I decided that I could not depend on my teachers to make me understand math. I realized that there are some teachers that would not fit my personal needs in the subject and that I had to take it from there. As a matter of fact, I think I'll write that one particular teacher and let him know that I'm sleeping in my own bed now.
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