A Lifeguard

What was missing?


It was 2002, my kids were 1, 6 and 11. My husband had to take a business trip to Billings, Montana and instead of flying out at the expense his company, his boss gave him the cash and we drove there for a family trip. New Jersey to Montana, hitting all of the sites along the way and beyond.

In Billings we spent a few days in a hotel while Stan worked at a nearby plant. The kids and I had little to do besides go to the huge indoor pool and swim, which was a nice break from the long drive. There was a strange feeling in this hotel, a strange troop of people had descended upon it soon after we settled in. They barbecued in the lot, they stuck rocks in the outer doors to prop them open, large groups of them moved through the hallways in waves of thumps and shouts. We peered out our peep hole and quieted when they'd pass, trying to get a feel for our new neighbors. This group of travelers and their story was a mystery to us, but they did leave us with one incident we would never be able to forget.

One afternoon I took the boys to the indoor pool in the hotel. We were the only ones in this large atrium of a room with a large pool, many deck recliners and a hot tub. Seth was enjoying having the entire deep end of the pool to himself and Luke and Sean stayed with me in the shallow end. Not long after we began swimming a young lady came through the door leading 8 children, an array of ages from 13 down to a baby in arms. This lady, I could tell from the start, had no interest whatsoever in looking after the safety of these kids in the water and I was on edge immediately. The kids were raucous, running, splashing, yelling - the lady was raucous, dropping the baby in the arms of the 13 year old girl who often passed him onto other younger children when she took a whim.

There was no lifeguard, the leader of this pack of children was romping in the deep end, the kids were everywhere. I instinctively pulled my two youngest out of the water with me and sat on deck chairs watching the chaos, feeling dread. There was tragedy in the air, I could feel it but I just didn't know what to do about it. I noticed the door to the lobby behind me and wondered if I should go ask for a manager but what would I say? This lady isn't watching her kids? I just decided to sit there and observe. Seth was fine in his little corner navigating the jumble of swimmers.

Suddenly I saw him perk up and begin running around the edge of the pool. He reached the opposite side, leaned over into the water and pulled up a small boy about 4 years old, dropping him on the deck. The boy began vomiting water and a couple of the kids gathered around him. They got him to his knees, the 13 year old girl made some gesture of appreciation to Seth and then the lady burst into the gathering and yanked the young near drowning victim to his feet. "I told you to stay out of the deep end!" She screamed in his face as she dragged him by our chair. She pulled him up the wet stairs of the hot tub and plopped him in. "Stay there!" And went back to swimming.

Seth walked haltingly over to us and the four of us sat fixed, looking at the little boy in the tub. He sat chest deep, leaning over the tiled edge, staring blankly toward the pool. Every molecule in my body was yearning to take him in my arms and comfort him, this baby whose terrorized eyes looked into my son's from beneath the water, his arms, hands, fingers reaching up to the surface. Death had grabbed this poor child just moments before and then he was scorned for it. I didn't go to him, I felt vulnerable in that room with my children but I stayed as long as I could stand it, smiling to him when his frightened eyes glanced over. I wanted to make sure he was okay and not in further danger and then I said softly to my kids, "C'mon. Let's go back to the room." They followed without a murmur.

In the room we collapsed on the beds, wet, still wrapped in our towels. I looked firmly at Seth. "You saved that person's life. He would have drowned if it weren't for you!" The boys were quiet. "How do you feel?" He looked almost wounded and said that he was glad that he saved him but that he felt strangely sick about the whole thing. Seth had seen the little boy edging along the side toward the deeper end and had been aware of his position even before he saw him underneath the water. As a mom this swells my heart to think he cared about a boy who had only walked into his life minutes before.

Even witnessing the magnificence of this boy's life preserved, an almost larger eerie presence shadowed the entire happening. All we were left with was the gratefulness of a saved life and an overwhelming, mystifying feeling of something missing.